The Project of Me

I brought some store-bought mini cupcakes into work for a baby shower we were holding for a coworker that day. I've been walking this journey of infertility for about two years now (really more like I've been begrudgingly stomping my feet). I knew it was going to be hard. But I felt like I could slap a smile on and power through. I even came up with an exit strategy just in case.  In the hour leading up to the shower, I felt my heart filling with anxiety. It had already been a stressful work day. I didn't have much emotional energy left to put towards this shower. I tried to delay going in, still deciding if I was going to participate. Then I started to hear coworkers ask, "Where's Lindsey?" And several started texting me as well. The anxiety got the best of me. Instead of going to the shower, I found a quiet place to hide and started to cry. I felt embarrassed for not going. I felt like everyone would be disappointed with me for not being there. I...

I recently shared my testimony on my church's "Coffee With" podcast and invite you to  listen here. Read my testimony below or listen to it at the YouTube link below.  (Though it's on YouTube, it is an audio version only.)   My name is Lindsey. I’m a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with food addiction, sexual immorality, and codependency. I will be talking a lot about codependency and it took me a long time to accept that I struggle with codependency mostly because I was confused about what it really was so I want to take a moment to define it. In short, codependency is when your need for approval or validation allows you to be controlled or manipulated or causes you to control and manipulate others. Another helpful way of thinking about it that I’ve heard is, “Normal behavior just taken too far.” Some common characteristics of codependency are people pleasing, perfectionism, over-functioning to be valued or loved, controlling others, or tolerating mistreatme...