The Project of Me

My husband and I have been walking the journey of infertility for nearly two years now (a drop in the bucket compared to some couples). I’ve been hesitant to write about it because people tend to respond by saying innocent, yet  stupid, things. Talking about it puts a target on my back for those well-meaning, but ultimately hurtful, comments. But recently I thought, maybe I SHOULD write about it precisely BECAUSE people say stupid things. Most of those comments are a combination of good intention and ignorance (lack of awareness). We need people who are bold enough to share their stories. Doing so breaks stigma, raises awareness, and shows others they are not alone. Maybe I can be one of those people. I thought I’d start by shedding light on some of those comments that seem helpful but are actually hurtful. What NOT to Say Playful Questioning: “When are you finally going to start a family?”  While it may be intended as a playful question, it can be extremely hurtful. It’s also

How do we reason with God when he is being unreasonable?  I have great plans for my life. I don't ask for much. I don't need a fancy house or car. I don't need a six figure salary. Just give me the basic American dream- husband, 2 kids, and the house with the white picket fence ( plus a couple dogs ). Nothing too extravagant or unreasonable.  I don't know why God decides my plan isn't good enough. But lately, time and time again, God hasn't been meeting my very reasonable requests. I have a hard time understanding why God has to be so unreasonable!  Surely I'm not the only one. Has this ever happened to you? What we do when God is being unreasonable? Here's what I think... First, explain the logic to God . Let's give God the benefit of the doubt. Maybe God just doesn't understand. If I logically explain why it makes sense for me to have it my way, surely he'll realize he was wrong and change his mind. "God, if I get this prom

"It's the most wonderful time of the year..." except when it's not. And when it's not, it usually feels like the worst time of the year. What do we do when Christmas comes around and our halls aren't decked with holly, the sleigh bells aren't ringing, and there are no chestnuts roasting on the open fire? In a time that celebrates the hope, peace, love, and joy that Christ brought into the world- what do we do when don’t see or feel any of those things in our lives?  While Philippians 4:4-9 isn't considered a "Christmas" passage, we find all four of those advent themes in it. "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your [gentleness] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

"Joseph’s fruitfulness, or success, came from putting his faith into action. He trusted God to do the divine part, then invested himself fully to do his human part. Joseph didn’t try to manipulate the pieces of his life that were out of his control. He entrusted those to God. Note what Joseph didn’t do: try to escape slavery or prison; despair and forfeit his identity and integrity; resent and hate the ungrateful cupbearer; or develop a victim mentality. Knowing what circumstances were out of his control, Joseph handed them over to God and focused on his responsibilities." - Life Journey Devotional, Cloud & Townsend This hit me hard this week. I have been in the hospital in the epilepsy monitoring unit for the past week. During my time here, the goal is try to trigger seizures or other small spells while connected to an EEG so that the doctors can get more information about them. However, for someone that has fairly controlled seizures like myself, it's hard to trigge

I recently shared my testimony on my church's "Coffee With" podcast and invite you to  listen here. Read my testimony below or listen to it at the YouTube link below.  (Though it's on YouTube, it is an audio version only.)   My name is Lindsey. I’m a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with food addiction, sexual immorality, and codependency. I will be talking a lot about codependency and it took me a long time to accept that I struggle with codependency mostly because I was confused about what it really was so I want to take a moment to define it. In short, codependency is when your need for approval or validation allows you to be controlled or manipulated or causes you to control and manipulate others. Another helpful way of thinking about it that I’ve heard is, “Normal behavior just taken too far.” Some common characteristics of codependency are people pleasing, perfectionism, over-functioning to be valued or loved, controlling others, or tolerating mistreatme

Comfort with being replaceable is confidence in your self-worth. I know that sounds backwards, so let me explain... And let me clarify that to be too comfortable with being replaced might be a sign of a low view of self. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I was helping out with my church's VBS that we were able to hold in person despite everything happening with COVID-19. I had been placed in charge of the missions station which meant I’d done work ahead of time to prepare presentations and crafts for each night. The first night with the kids went pretty well. But afterwards, I was up most of the night with an upset stomach. I was pretty certain it wasn't coronavirus related since it was my only symptom and that symptom was at the bottom of the symptom list, but still… I knew I needed to make a decision on whether I’d be there that night or stay home soon so the director could fill my spot. My conscience began to nag me. I knew the smart and safe thing