Trusting God to Do the Divine

"Joseph’s fruitfulness, or success, came from putting his faith into action. He trusted God to do the divine part, then invested himself fully to do his human part. Joseph didn’t try to manipulate the pieces of his life that were out of his control. He entrusted those to God. Note what Joseph didn’t do: try to escape slavery or prison; despair and forfeit his identity and integrity; resent and hate the ungrateful cupbearer; or develop a victim mentality. Knowing what circumstances were out of his control, Joseph handed them over to God and focused on his responsibilities." - Life Journey Devotional, Cloud & Townsend

This hit me hard this week. I have been in the hospital in the epilepsy monitoring unit for the past week. During my time here, the goal is try to trigger seizures or other small spells while connected to an EEG so that the doctors can get more information about them. However, for someone that has fairly controlled seizures like myself, it's hard to trigger seizures when we need them to happen. So it's been a whole week with not a lot of results.

I have felt myself feeling frustrated with God. When I was diagnosed with epilepsy a couple years ago, I came to terms with the fact that God may want to be glorified through my epilepsy rather than my healing from it. I am truly at peace with that. "But God, does that have to mean that all these tests are done without results? Why do the seizures only happen when they aren't supposed to happen?! How much longer will I have to be here? Why did you allow the seizure that made me lose my license for 6 months but you won't allow one now when I need it to happen!?" Epilepsy is completely out of my control and I REALLY don't like not being in control!

As I journaled that prayer, I realized my selfish thinking. Who am I to tell God when something is supposed to happen? How do I know that God does not have a plan to be glorified through a longer stay in the hospital? How do I know he does not have a plan to be glorified through the seizure I had most recently and any others I may have?

If I truly believe that God is sovereign and God is good then I must trust his timing with my seizures and every other aspect of my life even if things happen when I think they are not supposed to happen, even when things that I really don't like happen. If I truly believe God is good and sovereign then I must learn to give up control of these things I cannot control and trust I his perfect plan. And if I truly believe God is good and sovereign, then I must stop trying to manipulate things that are out of my control with my bad attitude or resentments.

I must learn instead to take responsibility for the things I can control. And in doing so, my prayer turns from, "God, why?!" To a willing heart of, "God, be glorified in my weakness. And give me opportunities through this to give you glory."

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