A Glorious Blessing

Sixteen years ago, yesterday, May 31, 2009, I had two unexpected seizures, was diagnosed with viral encephalitis (a brain infection), and admitted to Children’s Hospital for 18 days. For the next 8 years, I lived a normal life, free of seizures and side effects. I thought my story was one of miraculous healing. But in 2017, I started having seizures again and was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Today, my seizures are controlled. It’s been 2 ½ years since my last one. I used to have a difficult time classifying myself as disabled because of that. But recently, I recognized that even though I don’t have seizures daily, epilepsy still affects my daily life. I have taken anti-epileptic medication daily for the past 8 years. I make sure to carry my rescue medication with me everywhere I go. I pack an extra set of underwear in my carry-on when I fly just in case I have a seizure on the plane and wet myself (it happened once). I’m prepared to lose my driver’s license at any time in case of a breakthrough seizure, which means making sure we live close to my workplace and friends and family members we can rely on. Unless God wills otherwise, these are all things I will likely deal with for the rest of my life.

I’ve lived as much life since that event as I had lived at the time of the event. At 16-years-old, I often wondered what God’s grand purpose was for allowing me to go through such a hardship. Would I grow up to minister to other hospitalized teens? Would I write a book and travel the world, sharing my story of miraculous healing? Surely God had a grand, unexpected, glorious reason for my pain- something that would make it all make sense.

16 years later, I’ve come to accept a hard truth… sometimes bad things just happen…

Huh?! Not where you thought I was going with that, right? But it’s true. This life is full of suffering, senseless evil, and heartbreaking loss. Many times, there’s no deeper meaning behind the suffering. There’s no sugarcoating it. Sometimes bad things are just bad.

Don’t stop reading just yet, there is some good news…

First, Jesus has already conquered “the bad.” He has already overcome the world (John 16:33). That doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen to us. It means that we have hope in eternity. If we focus only on what the world has to offer us, we remain hopeless. But when we pursue God and his will above all else, we have hope (Matthew 6:33). God has more to offer us than this earthly life can hold. What a blessing.

Second, God uses all things for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28). Many times, there’s no perfect, fairytale ending to our suffering. Sometimes things never make sense in the end. But when we turn to God in our pain, he uses those things that are bad and works them together for good. Sometimes that just means deepening our faith and relationship with him (James 1:2-4). It may not feel like it in the moment, but that’s more than enough. Deeper faith in God is a blessing from God.

I got my tattoo before my seizures came back. Even at 16-years-old, the events of May 31, 2009 taught me that God’s greatest blessings come through life’s greatest trials. I am still blessed even though I wasn’t miraculously healed. I am blessed even though my story didn’t make me a famous speaker or writer. I am blessed even though things still don’t make sense. Why? Because in my weakness, he is strong. Relying on him in my weakness, through all the senseless pain, puts his power and glory on display through me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

The most glorious purpose God could ever have for my suffering is to allow others to see his power and glory through me.

What a glorious blessing.