Replaceable

Comfort with being replaceable is confidence in your self-worth.

I know that sounds backwards, so let me explain... And let me clarify that to be too comfortable with being replaced might be a sign of a low view of self. But that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I was helping out with my church's VBS that we were able to hold in person despite everything happening with COVID-19. I had been placed in charge of the missions station which meant I’d done work ahead of time to prepare presentations and crafts for each night. The first night with the kids went pretty well. But afterwards, I was up most of the night with an upset stomach. I was pretty certain it wasn't coronavirus related since it was my only symptom and that symptom was at the bottom of the symptom list, but still…

I knew I needed to make a decision on whether I’d be there that night or stay home soon so the director could fill my spot. My conscience began to nag me. I knew the smart and safe thing to do was probably to play it safe just in case. But it probably wasn’t anything serious, right? It’d probably be fine if I went. After all, I’d committed to being there. I’d done all the planning. Who would take my place? On the other hand, what if it turned out to be more than just an upset stomach and I exposed all those kids and made the church look bad… They could probably find someone to replace me… But would they do it the way I'd planned? Would the leader be let down if I didn’t show up? What would he think of me? I'm the one who had done the work. This was my thing...

God revealed my pride to me, which was really low self-esteem at work. I corrected myself with the truth- it wasn't my thing it was God's thing. And it was better to put the health and safety of myself and others first. After all, everyone gets sick sometimes! While the work I was doing was helpful and valuable to our VBS and church, I wasn't the only one who could do it. I already knew there were other people who willing and able to fill in on a moment's notice. I was replaceable... and that was okay.

I know there have been times where I would have and have just powered through. But this time, I decided not to let my pride get in the way. I contacted the leader and let him know I couldn't make it that night. I helped prepare the material for my substitute leader that night and of course he agreed the smart move was to wait it out and make sure it was nothing more.

This was progress for me because I was able to separate my self-worth from what I was able to contribute. I knew that my inability to be there that night had no reflection on my value as an individual. Because of the work I've done on myself, I was confident enough in my self-worth to realize that I was replaceable in that instant and be okay with that. That might seem simple or no big deal to you, but for a works-driven, overachieving, perfectionist like me, this was major progress!

You are unique and created in the image of Christ. There is only one you and no one can ever replace you as an individual. But when you're confident in your own self-worth, you're able to realize that at times you are replaceable and that's okay. In instances like these, comfort with being replaceable is confidence in your self-worth.

(On a side note, I sat that one night out and never had any more symptoms since. But I'm still glad I chose to be overly cautious.)